Which do you prefer your partner to say if your partner did not feel like having sex?
Would you prefer if they were honest, e.g. “I don’t feel like having sex.”
Would you prefer if they lied, e.g. “I’ve got a headache.”
This question was posed to me a while ago. It was not used with the idea that there is a problem with the relationship, just where one partner - and for honesty she posed it with the woman as the speaker - does not feel like going all the way.
The two options don’t seem dissimilar, yet they are clearly different at the same time.
The former is just a fact. People can be making out, heavy petting, doing oral, or just cuddling, but this does not mean both are wanting it go beyond that point. And it also means when someone says they’re too tired or they have a headache then you believe them because it is the truth rather than some TVTrope.
Speaking of which the latter annoys me as it creates the idea that the statement-maker is at fault just because if some dudes think if a woman doesn’t want to have sex with them then there is something wrong with the dude. So the woman places the blame on themselves. It is also a huge cliché in our society that we do not need.
I hate the victim blaming culture we have, so I’m against women taking the blame on themselves for being tired from working long days or just not honestly “feeling it.” If a man can’t take a hit one night then he really needs to check his priorities and his Man Card.